Categories
Back To School Tips
expectations will be. You should always know the people your child will be spending time. It does not matter if they are a child or an adult. Ask questions of those adults that are in charge. If it is an organized activity, ask about what kinds of supervision will be given to the participants.
Taking Care of Yourself During the Holidays
The holiday season is already upon us! Seems like every year the frenzy starts earlier and earlier. It is a time to create new memories and to bring your family closer together. Here are a few quick tips to help get you in the right frame of mind.
Make sure you “Get Enough” during the holiday season. Make sure that you get plenty of sleep, plenty of exercise, and plenty of down time. It is important to take care of yourself in the hurry and scurry of the holidays. It makes you feel happier which leads to a more relaxed atmosphere to enjoy time with your family.
Do not over indulge. Enjoy the great goodies but make sure you sneak in some healthy vegetables in your diet.
Remember your children are watching you and will take their cues from you. If you are enjoying the holidays, the frenzy, the time with family then chances are your children will as well. Our children mirror our behavior in a lot of ways. If you are unhappy and stressed out, they likely will be as well.
Plan some activities for children who will be home on school break. When children get bored that usually leads to disruption. They do not have to be expensive outings. Plan some projects that they can give to relatives as Christmas presents. Arrange for a holiday movie marathon or engage them in sending out the family holiday cards.
The holidays are a time to spend with the ones you love doing the things you enjoy. Do not rob yourself of the joy by making it so frenzied you are too stressed out to remember the things you love about spending time with family and friends.
As a parent one of the hardest things I have had to do was teach my child how to talk about feelings. The conversation was not hard but teaching the skill has been off the scale in terms of difficulty. The gift of being able to articulate what you feel and what you want is one of the most important things you can do for your child’s 
emotional well-being.
There are some simple things you can do to help your child be successful in this endeavor. One thing you can do is to not discount whatever he tells you about what he is feeling.
For example if your child tells you that he is angry about something, do not tell him he should not be mad. Instead, ask him about what is making him angry. Help your child identify feelings and emotions by using facial expressions, feelings posters, or using books. There are some great books about emotions for even very young child that use facial expression. It is a great way to start the conversation and to start to identify what feelings look like and feel like.
Another way to teach a child about feelings and talking about feelings is to model that behavior for them. Talk about how you are feeling. Children learn behaviors and what is acceptable by watching the adults in their life. If you get in the habit of talking about your feelings in front of your child, then they too will begin to talk about feelings. Be appropriate when doing so as we all know what great imitators children can be. An example could be “I am feeling really happy today because you cleaned your room” or “I am sad because you are not feeling well today”.
Show empathy with your child. A good example might be “I can see you are feeling sad and disappointed that you will not be able to go to the park today because it is raining.” Of course help your child to practice this skill by listening to him and asking him questions about his day and how he is feeling.
Be interested in what he has to say. This is such an important skill to teach. When children are frustrated because they cannot find the right words to express what they are feeling many times we will see anger, sadness and maybe a tantrum or two. This is a great excise that will allow you and your child to increase communication and social skills.
Categories
Cyberbullying – what parents should know
Cyberbullying – what parents should know
As parents it’s our job to help our children develop into independent, confident, and self-assured young adults. The pressures and complexities of being a teen, and being the parent of a teen, couldn’t be more challenging. It’s hard enough for kids to find their place in the physical world and try to fit in, but the cyber world has added a whole new layer of concerns.
Cyberbullying is bullying that takes place using digital technology. Cyberbullying most commonly involves the use of cell phones, but may also involve computers, tablets, iPods, gaming consoles and just about any device that connects to the “cyber” world. The actually bullying is facilitated through websites and applications such as Facebook, Instagram,
Twitter, Tumblr, Snapchat, and Kik Messenger. Common examples of cyberbullying include mean and threatening text messages, rumors sent by email or posted on social networking sites, and embarrassing pictures, videos, websites, or fake profiles.
Digital technology is not to blame for cyberbullying. In fact, digital technology and the power of the Internet have a very positive impact on learning, sharing of ideas, problem solving and staying appropriately connected with friends and family. But these tools can also be used to hurt other people. Whether done in person or through technology, the effects of bullying are the same. According to the US Department of Justice, kids who are bullied are more likely to use drugs and alcohol, have poor grades, skip school, have more health problems associated with the stress, avoid attending school, church, and social functions, and have lower self-esteem.
So what should you do as a parent to help reduce the risks of cyberbullying? The most important thing to do is talk with your kids about cyberbullying and other online issues regularly. You should also regularly look for opportunities to model and teach empathy. When we help our kids put themselves in another person’s shoes, they learn to be more sensitive to what that person is experiencing and are less likely to tease or bully them. By explicitly teaching our kids to be more conscious of other people’s feelings, we can create a more accepting and respectful community. Learn more at www.StopBullying.gov
Sergeant Colin Fagan
Celebrate Meal Time With Your Family!
By Elycia Bechard, LPC
Therapist at The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
As families gather together for the holidays it can be a great opportunity to step back and remember the importance of connection. If you are fortunate enough to have positive memories from your childhood experience of family meals, try to remember how those moments of learning, connection, or modeled behaviors affected you or shaped who you are today. I frequently hear from parents their difficulties in trying to juggle their many responsibilities: children, partner, family, work, etc., so here are some fun, exciting ideas you can use while eating together as a family to develop or re-establish deeper connection with your child.
The goal is to get away from the TV and make dinner time fun for the whole family. If children choose not to participate, that is okay. Parents modeling smiling, laughing and having fun can motivate children to participate!
- The Microphone Game — Give everyone a chance to share about their day by passing around an object that serves as a microphone. When someone has the microphone, they have the floor – meaning all others are listening! This technique can be a great opportunity to slow things down and make time to listen to one another. It provides a space where children who might have difficulties trying to get out their thoughts and words have the time and space to share.
- Play with your food! — I know, I know. This goes against everything we have been taught growing up. Play at the table, however, can assist in making a comfortable atmosphere where your children feel they can share about their day.
- Food Shapes — Make ordinary meals into fun shapes, faces, or designs, such as the smiley pancake, funny faces spaghetti, or an all time favorite – ants on a log. There are tons of ideas on-line if you need inspiration!
- Themed Dinners – Pick a type of cuisine (Italian, Mexican, etc.) and imaginatively travel to the country with music, dress or décor. Perhaps your son loves Spiderman. Plan a meal for Spidey and bring Spiderman toys to the table as décor. You could do something similar themes like the “Frozen” movie, dinosaur adventures, and Minecraft explorations.
- New Ideas — Ask your children if they have an idea or favorite game they learned from school to try at the dinner table!
- Celebration Meals — Celebrations need not just be held for holidays. Have a celebratory meal for getting a good report card, passing a test, taking off training wheels on a bike, or having a successful work week. Celebratory meals do not need to be expensive either, but can be about making that family member’s favorite meal.
- Book-Inspired Meals — Choose a recipe from your favorite book or movie – Green Eggs and Ham, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Harry Potter’s Pumpkin Juice, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, James and The Giant Peach, The Stinky Cheese Man, Ratatouille, etc. Read from the story during dinner!
- Kids in the Kitchen — Have your child choose a meal they would like to try and have them help you pick out the
ingredients at the grocery store as well as in the kitchen. This can be helpful for children with persnickety eating habits to feel a sense of control and value.
- Create a story together. – One person starts a story with one sentence. (Once upon a time….) Each family member then adds one additional sentence until the story has gone around the table. You can write down the story and read it aloud at the end of dinner for a great laugh.
- Set the Mood — Play music, light candles, dress up a bit – all these changes can suddenly make dinner a special event.
- The Dinner Guest – have each family member share one person from any time period that they would like to invite to dinner and then share why. This can be fun for parents to hear about what their children are learning in school and who their child shows interest in.
- Telephone Around The Table – Keep those cell phones on vibrate! I’m talking about the classic game where one family member thinks of a phrase and whispers it to their neighbor until it has travelled around the table to see how close the phrase got!
- Family Game Night — Pretend your family is on a Food Network TV show like Iron Chef, Chopped, etc.
- Eat the Alphabet – Try to eat something that starts with every letter of the alphabet: Apple, Banana, Carrot, etc.
A wonderful starting place is to sit down and figure out how often you could potentially incorporate one of these fun, new ideas into mealtime, and most importantly be consistent. If you can plan to do it once a week, once a month, or any other amount of time, that is terrific. Create a schedule where your children have something fun to look forward to. Overall, enjoy each other and have FUN!
Geocaching provides hours of free outdoor adventures for the whole family!
By Alex and Amanda Smith
Geocaching has been around since 2000 and in recent years has expanded into one of the hottest family activities for all ages. Geocaching is a treasure hunt using GPS technology to find real life treasures hidden in plain sight all around the world and even in your own backyard! A GPS device or smart phone, a good pair of walking shoes, a writing tool, and a sense of adventure are all you need to geocache. It’s easy to begin. Go to Geocaching.com, set up your free basic membership (or for a small yearly fee become a premium member and have access to more geocaching options and possibilities),
search 
your home address and let the adventure begin! Each cache will have a description of what you are looking for and sometimes a hint. You can also read the past logs of other folks who have found that cache. Once you discover the physical cache you will find a log sheet to write your geocaching name on. Then you can log the find online via smart phone or computer and share your experience with other cachers. Often, inside the cache you will find small tradeable items so make sure you have a trinket if you want to swap something! This is a favorite part of the game for young cachers. See Geocaching.com for more details on tradable items.
In beautiful Southern Oregon, there is no shortage of hiking trails, stunning scenery, and outdoor adventure. Geocaching takes people to places they have never been to or perhaps didn’t even realize existed right here is Southern Oregon! From the top of Mt. Ashland to the river banks of the flowing Rogue River and all places in between, there are hidden caches and treasures to be found.
Visit our website at www.sogeo.org or www.facebook.com/Southernoregongeocaching to learn more and see some of the fun things we have going on.
If you have any questions about current or upcoming exploration opportunities, email us at [email protected].
We look forward to hearing from you and sharing more about this amazing adventure for the whole family!
Infant Massage:Bonding and Benefits for Parents and Babies
By JoAnn Lewis, LMT, CEIM, Trainer with the International Assoc. of Infant Massage, Sweden, USA chapter.
Evidence keeps pouring in to show us that loving, nurturing touch between baby and parent is essential to our baby’s best development in all ways. The stimulation, relaxation, relief and interaction of infant massage all play an important part in baby’s emotional, intellectual and physical well-being that lasts a lifetime.
At the Touch Research Institute in Miami’s University Medical Centers, research shows premature babies given daily massages for 15 minutes gain 47% more weight and go home in half the time with savings upwards of $9,000 to the hospital and the parents! This is just one of many studies illustrating the 
advantages of infant massage in 
reducing colic, sleeping problems, and stress hormones. It is found to improve nerve coatings, digestion, brain development, muscle tone, immune function and much more…
Touch is the first sense we develop while still inside our mothers and the strongest since birth. And we continue to need touch all of our lives for well-being.
At every class in infant massage the parents and babies learn about each other together with this ancient traditional way of communicating through touch, “dancing” and relaxing in deep harmony with respect to each other. It is the lovely dance of massage! Parents can really relax for the first time with each stroke as their baby responds to their touch, their voice, and their complete, loving
attention. This simple and strengthening nourishment of massage builds their confidence, their bodies, their trust in each other; setting a strong foundation for life!
Call the Family Massage Education Center at 77 Manzanita Avenue in Ashland, Oregon for a schedule of parent/baby classes at 541-482-3567. Or call to become an educator/instructor of infant massage at the next certification USA training in Ashland with JoAnn Lewis, USA Trainer.
http://www.hellofmec.com/
Be Water Savvy and Water Safe
Pools, rivers, ponds, and beaches mean summer fun and cool relief from hot weather. But water also can be dangerous for kids if parents don’t take the proper precautions. Nearly 1,000 kids die each year by drowning, with
the majority happening in home swimming pools. It is the second leading cause of accidental death for people between the ages of 5 and 24.
The good news is there are many ways to keep your kids safe in the water – and make sure that they take the right precautions when they’re on their own.
Invest in Your Child’s Safety
Purchase proper-fitting, Coast Guard-approved flotation life vests and have kids wear them whenever near water. Check the weight and size recommendations on the label, then have your child try it on to make sure it fits snugly. For kids younger than 5 years old, choose a vest with a strap between the legs and head support – the collar will keep the child’s head up and face out of the water. Inflatable vests and arm devices such as water wings are not effective protection against drowning.
Keeping Kids Safe
Fencing is your best measure of protection for a backyard pool or and should be at least 4 feet tall. Pool covers and alarms have not proven effective against drowning for very young children.
It’s Imperative
Above all else, supervise your kids at all times when around water – whether the water is in a bathtub, wading pool, fish pond, pool, spa, the beach, river or lake. Never assume because your child took swimming lessons or is using a flotation device that there is no drowning risk.
Water play can be a great source of fun and exercise. Teach your child that safety is a priority and that they never swim alone. And don’t forget the sunscreen!
Since 2007, Kohl’s Cares has awarded over $177,000 in grants to Asante for health focused outreach programs to the community.
The Annual Healthy Food Festival is held in Grants Pass, Oregon in September. A wide variety of activities, vendors, learning opportunities and tastings await the attendees. The Healthy Food Festival gives the opportunity to learn about and taste a variety of delicious foods that are easy to prepare and support a healthy body and mind.
Classes in the Learning Center speak to how nutrition affects our bodies, minds, and spirits and offer scientific wisdom about how to utilize food for health.
Several activities are planned for the entire family. Door prizes, Raffle, and SO MUCH MORE! See you there!
ww.HealthyFoodFestival.org www.GraceRootsPathwaystoWellness.org
Categories
Be the mom she needs
Be the mom she needs
5 ways to stay connected during the tween years
Tween. Yes, that is exactly where she is. Wherever that is.
She is still a child, but she is finding a new voice and attitude that is unfamiliar.
“Geez, mom! What’s the big deal? I’ll be done in a minute…” (in a sassy tone). You cringe.
You say to yourself, “where did THAT come from?” Right out of the blue it seems. Then as if nothing happened she is back to happily re-organizing her stuffed animals alphabetically.
Welcome to the land of tween! There are a few things you should know to help you navigate your way through this new territory.
Your girl is likely unaware of her new behavior
If you ask her immediately after her reaction to your request to stop what she is doing and come to dinner, “where did that come from?” she will like say, “What? What do you mean?”
It is easy to think that she is putting you on…but she isn’t. This is as new for her as it is for you and she has no idea what is happening to her.
So don’t ask her why she is acting that way. She doesn’t know.
As parents, our “sassy” radar is always on in regards to our daughter’s behavior. Sassy = disrespectful, entitled, unappreciative. We don’t like it. None us want our girls to hold these characteristics. So when sassy shows up, we are quick to want to nip it in the bud.
“Watch that tone of voice when you talk to me”
“What did you just say to me?”
“How you said that is not okay. Use a nicer voice please”
And this is what is going through her head:
“Uh-oh, mom’s mad at me…what did I do now?”
“I am in trouble”
“I did use a nice voice…didn’t I?” now doubting herself.
Then come the tears. Her emotions erupt. As she runs out of the room and exclaims through her angry tears, “Why are you mad at me? I don’t get it! You are mean!” and she is gone.
What is going on?
Girls typically experience emotional latency between the ages of 6-11. This is a welcomed time of generally calmer emotions and emotional expression. She feels her emotions but not to the extreme that she may have felt and expressed them during the first five years of her life.
Then, as if over night, this emotional calm becomes a series of unpredictable storms. The first thing that comes to everyone’s mind is “Ohhh…it is hormones! That is what is causing her to act this way” Sure, she has some hormones pulsing through her in preparation for puberty, but that age-old excuse is not the cause.
It is her brain changing and other influences, not just her hormones.
We are learning so much about the teen/tween brain. Your girl’s brain is about to undergo a major overhaul that follows the pattern of growth and changes that took place in her brain while in the womb. That is big. Basically, she is going through a brain update. And if you have updated a Smartphone recently, you know how that can go.
The emotional centers of the brain during this overhaul are overly sensitive, hence the heightened emotional reactions that can flare up. The part of the brain that allows for rational thinking and exudes calm may not appear on the scene until the mid twenties. So basically she is wired for emotion and not reason during this time in her life.
As a matter of new-fact, the changes in her brain and the events in her life have a greater affect on her emotional moods than hormones.
You May have your own “teen triggers” to deal with
So was that your parental sassy alarm that went of when she came back at you with some attitude, or was it more than that? Let’s check.
Did you feel a little emotional surge from somewhere distant but familiar? Maybe your heart was racing a little? What did you say back to her? “Watch that tone of voice when you talk to me”. Where did that threat come from? That is not the way you usually talk to her.
Your brain may be done forming but you may still have your own teen behavior response system lurking in deep places within you. That threat may have been what you heard from your parent in response to your teenage behavior.
We can subconsciously hold onto behaviors and responses to experiences in our lives for many years- from childhood and beyond. And if we have not done the work of opening them back up again and meeting them then releasing them directly, they have a way of popping back up again, thanks to a trigger…such as your daughter putting up an emotional flare.
And BAM! Back you go to your own teen-self.
What to do? Life has an amazing way of propping mirroring experiences up in front of us to give us the opportunity to look into ourselves more deeply. Maybe to heal a wound, or to help us see something of deep emotional value by opening up something within us that needs our attention.
Many times we may not take that opportunity but I encourage you to take it. Now. Don’t blow it off. Trust me. This won’t be the last teen trigger you will experience. Sex, drugs and rock and roll may be up ahead.
So do your work now.
Depending on the depth of your emotional experiences as you were going through adolescence will depend how much work there is to do. Only you know that if you are really willing to be honest with yourself. It may be that just some journaling around your adolescence is necessary. Or meeting with a trusted therapist or counselor can help you move the emotional landmines that may have been laid during your adolescence. I have had some mothers go back to their mothers and process that time. Wow. Now there is some work!
Whatever it takes.
Go back now and heal that time in your life so your daughter doesn’t have to do it for you.
You won’t regret it. It may be one of the hardest things to do but one of the greatest gifts to your relationship with your daughter. Do it.
Don’t get hooked
The sooner you can separate your adolescent triggers from your daughter’s behaviors the easier it is going to be for you to avoid “getting hooked”.
What does getting hooked look like? You are hooked when you can’t let something go. When she has said or done something that has activated your emotional response system.
You are hooked when you react instead of respond.
Do a little fishing the next time you and your daughter have an interaction around something potentially triggering and watch yourself. Here is how:
- Notice– Am I hooked right now?
If you are:
- Indentify– I am hooked!
- Acknowledge– Stop the interaction and say it out loud. “Pause…I am hooked right now”
- Release– Take a break. Ask to come back to it. Let it go. Journal. Go look at a tree. Do what you need to in order to take care of yourself and reset.
- Return– Go back to your daughter and tell her what happened. Decide together what’s next. Try again? Let it go?
- Forgive– Yourself. You are human and in very new territory with the likelihood of some shadowy stuff lurking in your teen-self. Let it go. There is no value in carrying it around with you. It may get in the way of your next mother~daughter interaction.
Patience, not pressure pays off
Maybe we got it from our own mothers doing it to us. Maybe we think that pushing works because it has in the past when she was little. Somewhere we got the message that pushing works- that pushing fixes things, makes them better.
If you haven’t noticed it already, pushing your daughter is going to stop working for you.
Which when something stops working we tend to do it more in order to try and understand why it isn’t working. Human nature. And the more we push, the harder she starts pushing back. She is a good student of you! And you now have a pushy mess.
As your daughter is going through this major reorganization of her brain, you need to “update” your patitude, or was it more than that? Let’s check.
Did you feel a little emotional surge from somewhere distant but familiar? Maybe your heart was racing a little? What did you say back to her? “Watch that tone of voice when you talk to me”. Where did that threat come from? That is not the way you usually talk to her.
Your brain may be done forming but you may still have your own teen behavior response system lurking in deep places within you. That threat may have been what you heard from your parent in response to your teenage behavior.
We can subconsciously hold onto behaviors and responses to experiences in our lives for many years- from childhood and beyond. And if we have not done the work of opening them back up again and meeting them then releasing them directly, they have a way of popping back up again, thanks to a trigger…such as your daughter putting up an emotional flare.
And BAM! Back you go to your own teen-self.
What to do? Life has an amazing way of propping mirroring experiences up in front of us to give us the opportunity to look into ourselves more deeply. Maybe to heal a wound, or to help us see something of deep emotional value by opening up something within us that needs our attention.
Many times we may not take that opportunity but I encourage you to take it. Now. Don’t blow it off. Trust me. This won’t be the last teen trigger you will experience. Sex, drugs and rock and roll may be up ahead.
So do your work now.
Depending on the depth of your emotional experiences as you were going through adolescence will depend how much work there is to do. Only you know that if you are really willing to be honest with yourself. It may be that just some journaling around your adolescence is necessary. Or meeting with a trusted therapist or counselor can help you move the emotional landmines that may have been laid during your adolescence. I have had some mothers go back to their mothers and process that time. Wow. Now there is some work!
Whatever it takes.
Go back now and heal that time in your life so your daughter doesn’t have to do it for you.
You won’t regret it. It may be one of the hardest things to do but one of the greatest gifts to your relationship with your daughter. Do it.
Don’t get hooked
The sooner you can separate your adolescent triggers from your daughter’s behaviors the easier it is going to be for you to avoid “getting hooked”.
What does getting hooked look like? You are hooked when you can’t let something go. When she has said or done something that has activated your emotional response system.
You are hooked when you react instead of respond.
Do a little fishing the next time you and your daughter have an interaction around something potentially triggering and watch yourself. Here is how:
- Notice– Am I hooked right now?
If you are:
- Indentify– I am hooked!
- Acknowledge– Stop the interaction and say it out loud. “Pause…I am hooked right now”
- Release– Take a break. Ask to come back to it. Let it go. Journal. Go look at a tree. Do what you need to in order to take care of yourself and reset.
- Return– Go back to your daughter and tell her what happened. Decide together what’s next. Try again? Let it go?
- Forgive– Yourself. You are human and in very new territory with the likelihood of some shadowy stuff lurking in your teen-self. Let it go. There is no value in carrying it around with you. It may get in the way of your next mother~daughter interaction.
Patience, not pressure pays off
Maybe we got it from our own mothers doing it to us. Maybe we think that pushing works because it has in the past when she was little. Somewhere we got the message that pushing works- that pushing fixes things, makes them better.
If you haven’t noticed it already, pushing your daughter is going to stop working for you.
Which when something stops working we tend to do it more in order to try and understand why it isn’t working. Human nature. And the more we push, the harder she starts pushing back. She is a good student of you! And you now have a pushy mess.
As your daughter is going through this major reorganization of her brain, you need to “update” your parenting tactics. You may need a complete overhaul or just to make a few adjustments.
Take a good long look at how you are parenting your daughter. Make a list of what is working and what isn’t working. Talk to other mothers with daughters to learn about what they are doing, or did. Read books. See a therapist. Be pro-active in updating your parenting to meet the needs of this evolving person whose foundations are shifting right before your eyes.
And get to know patience really well. It is your rock.
Patience is the foundation that holds up love, tolerance, empathy, and compassion in your mother and daughter relationship.
Practice it in other places in your life. It is alike a muscle that needs to be worked in order to be strong and reliable.
Make yourself stay in patience even when there is a storm raging around you- because your daughter is counting on you being strong…for both of you. Let her know that you are that rock. She will come to depend on it. So will you.
Remember who she is 97.5% of the time
Seriously. It is important for us as mothers to focus on who she is and not be swept away by her behaviors- because that is what they are, just behaviors.
Be careful to not make her behaviors into who she is. She is so much more than how she acts.
Not only is it important for mother to know who she is…but she needs to know too…because she isn’t sure right now.
It can be a beautiful thing to help remind both of you who she is.
Make lists.
- What does she believe in?
- Who does she trust?
- What makes her giggle?
- What does her mind do for her?
- Where are her favorite places to be?
- What changes would she like to see in the world?
- What does she love to eat?
- What are her favorite memories?
- What does her body do for her?
- What dreams does she have?
- What are her favorite books? Movies? Music?
- Tell her who loves her.
Then make a book for her…of her. Write her a letter with all of it in it. Create a bulletin board covered with her. Make a video of you telling her who she is.
It may sound corny to you but know this.
There is going to be a time when she comes to you emotionally disheveled and confused, not even sure what she wants from you. And you are going to be able to reach for that book, letter or video to remind her. And she will remember. You both will.
By Karen O’dougherty
