Tag: Education

Be A Super Hero: Reduce the Risk of Sexual Abuse Of the Children In Your Life

Be A Super Hero: Reduce the Risk of Sexual Abuse Of the Children In Your Life

One of the most anxious moments of my adult life was the first day I left my then two month old son in the hands of his daycare provider so that I could go back to work.  I knew what the risks were for my son.  I had worked in the field of child protection for nearly twenty years at that time.  I had seen the dark side of humanity and was feeling very overwhelmed at the daunting task of keeping my child safe from all harm.

Many parents face this same dilemma.  While there is nothing we can do to totally guarantee our child’s safety there are things that we can do to reduce the risk.

One of the most important things that you can do to reduce the risk of sexual abuse of your child is really quite simple.  Listen to your child. Talk to your child.

Not in the distracted I am busy kind of way but really take time every day to be present in your child’s life.  Pay attention to all the small stuff so they will come to you with the big stuff.  This will let your child know that you care about him.  It also builds self esteem.

Many children who are sexually abused are vulnerable because they lack self worth.  If they are not getting that attention from you, they may seek that attention from someone whose intentions are not pure.  Another very important thing that you can do is when you are looking for a child care provider, do your homework.

If you are using a daycare facility you should inquire about their employee screening process.  You should make sure that it includes a thorough background check.

If you are using an in home provider then you should require that anyone you hire have a background check.

If you are a single parent and are bringing other adults or older children into your child’s life, make sure that you know them and know what their backgrounds contain.

You should be very selective about who spends time alone with your child.  As a parent you should educate yourself about the signs of abuse and follow up if you think that you are seeing any of these signs.

If you do not know what to do, then seek advice from a professional at the Jackson County Children’s Advocacy Center.  You can learn the signs of abuse by taking a Darkness to Light class at the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County.                                                                     

 Tammi Pitzen

Executive Director

Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

 

www.cacjc.org

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Infant Massage:Bonding and Benefits for Parents and Babies

Infant Massage:Bonding and Benefits for Parents and Babies
By JoAnn Lewis, LMT, CEIM, Trainer with the International Assoc. of Infant Massage, Sweden, USA chapter.
Evidence keeps pouring in to show us that loving, nurturing touch between baby and parent is essential to our baby’s best development in all ways. The stimulation, relaxation, relief and interaction of infant massage all play an important part in baby’s emotional, intellectual and physical well-being that lasts a lifetime.
At the Touch Research Institute in Miami’s University Medical Centers, research shows premature babies given daily massages for 15 minutes gain 47% more weight and go home in half the time with savings upwards of $9,000 to the hospital and the parents! This is just one of many studies illustrating the advantages of infant massage in reducing colic, sleeping problems, and stress hormones. It is found to improve nerve coatings, digestion, brain development, muscle tone, immune function and much more…
Touch is the first sense we develop while still inside our mothers and the strongest since birth. And we continue to need touch all of our lives for well-being.
At every class in infant massage the parents and babies learn about each other together with this ancient traditional way of communicating through touch, “dancing” and relaxing in deep harmony with respect to each other. It is the lovely dance of massage! Parents can really relax for the first time with each stroke as their baby responds to their touch, their voice, and their complete, loving attention. This simple and strengthening nourishment of massage builds their confidence, their bodies, their trust in each other; setting a strong foundation for life!
Call the Family Massage Education Center at 77 Manzanita Avenue in  Ashland, Oregon for a schedule of parent/baby classes at 541-482-3567. Or call to become an educator/instructor of infant massage at the next certification USA training in Ashland with JoAnn Lewis, USA Trainer.
http://www.hellofmec.com/
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Asante and Kohl’s want you to be Water Savvy and Water Safe

                 

Be Water Savvy and Water Safe

Pools, rivers, ponds, and beaches mean summer fun and cool relief from hot weather. But water also can be dangerous for kids if parents don’t take the proper precautions. Nearly 1,000 kids die each year by drowning, with

Happy kid enjoying kayak ride on beautiful river. Little curly toddler boy kayaking on hot summer day. Water sport and camping fun. Canoe for children. Funny child with vessel in a boat.

the majority happening in home swimming pools. It is the second leading cause of accidental death for people between the ages of 5 and 24.

The good news is there are many ways to keep your kids safe in the water – and make sure that they take the right precautions when they’re on their own.

 

Invest in Your Child’s Safety

Purchase proper-fitting, Coast Guard-approved flotation life vests and have kids wear them whenever near water. Check the weight and size recommendations on the label, then have your child try it on to make sure it fits snugly. For kids younger than 5 years old, choose a vest with a strap between the legs and head support – the collar will keep the child’s head up and face out of the water. Inflatable vests and arm devices such as water wings are not effective protection against drowning.

Keeping Kids Safe

Fencing is your best measure of protection for a backyard pool or and should be at least 4 feet tall. Pool covers and alarms have not proven effective against drowning for very young children.

Portrait of cute happy little girl having fun in swimming pool, floating in blue refreshing water with big green rubber ring, active summer vacation on the beach

It’s Imperative

Above all else, supervise your kids at all times when around water – whether the water is in a bathtub, wading pool, fish pond, pool, spa, the beach, river or lake. Never assume because your child took swimming lessons or is using a flotation device that there is no drowning risk.

Water play can be a great source of fun and exercise. Teach your child that safety is a priority and that they never swim alone. And don’t forget the sunscreen!

Since 2007, Kohl’s Cares has awarded over $177,000 in grants to Asante for health focused outreach programs to the community.

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The Healthy Food Festival

                                                                                     

The Annual Healthy Food Festival is held  in Grants Pass, Oregon in September.  A wide variety of activities, vendors, learning opportunities and tastings await the attendees. The Healthy Food Festival gives the opportunity to learn about and taste a variety of delicious foods that are easy to prepare and support a healthy body and mind.

Classes in the Learning Center speak to how nutrition affects our bodies, minds, and spirits and offer scientific wisdom about how to utilize food for health.

                                                                                                                      

Several activities are planned for the entire family. Door prizes, Raffle, and SO MUCH MORE! See you there!

 ww.HealthyFoodFestival.org    www.GraceRootsPathwaystoWellness.org

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Be the mom she needs

Be the mom she needs 

 

5 ways to stay connected during the tween years

 

Tween. Yes, that is exactly where she is. Wherever that is.

She is still a child, but she is finding a new voice and attitude that is unfamiliar.

“Geez, mom! What’s the big deal? I’ll be done in a minute…” (in a sassy tone). You cringe.

You say to yourself, “where did THAT come from?” Right out of the blue it seems. Then as if nothing happened she is back to happily re-organizing her stuffed animals alphabetically.

Welcome to the land of tween! There are a few things you should know to help you navigate your way through this new territory.

Your girl is likely unaware of her new behavior

If you ask her immediately after her reaction to your request to stop what she is doing and come to dinner, “where did that come from?” she will like say, “What? What do you mean?”

It is easy to think that she is putting you on…but she isn’t. This is as new for her as it is for you and she has no idea what is happening to her.

So don’t ask her why she is acting that way. She doesn’t know.

As parents, our “sassy” radar is always on in regards to our daughter’s behavior. Sassy = disrespectful, entitled, unappreciative.  We don’t like it. None us want our girls to hold these characteristics. So when sassy shows up, we are quick to want to nip it in the bud.

“Watch that tone of voice when you talk to me”               

“What did you just say to me?”

“How you said that is not okay. Use a nicer voice please”

And this is what is going through her head:

“Uh-oh, mom’s mad at me…what did I do now?”

“I am in trouble”

“I did use a nice voice…didn’t I?” now doubting herself.

Then come the tears. Her emotions erupt. As she runs out of the room and exclaims through her angry tears, “Why are you mad at me? I don’t get it! You are mean!” and she is gone.

What is going on?

Girls typically experience emotional latency between the ages of 6-11. This is a welcomed time of generally calmer emotions and emotional expression. She feels her emotions but not to the extreme that she may have felt and expressed them during the first five years of her life.

Then, as if over night, this emotional calm becomes a series of unpredictable storms. The first thing that comes to everyone’s mind is “Ohhh…it is hormones! That is what is causing her to act this way” Sure, she has some hormones pulsing through her in preparation for puberty, but that age-old excuse is not the cause.

It is her brain changing and other influences, not just her hormones.

We are learning so much about the teen/tween brain. Your girl’s brain is about to undergo a major overhaul that follows the pattern of growth and changes that took place in her brain while in the womb. That is big. Basically, she is going through a brain update. And if you have updated a Smartphone recently, you know how that can go.

The emotional centers of the brain during this overhaul are overly sensitive, hence the heightened emotional reactions that can flare up. The part of the brain that allows for rational thinking and exudes calm may not appear on the scene until the mid twenties. So basically she is wired for emotion and not reason during this time in her life.

As a matter of new-fact, the changes in her brain and the events in her life have a greater affect on her emotional moods than hormones.

You May have your own “teen triggers” to deal with

So was that your parental sassy alarm that went of when she came back at you with some attitude, or was it more than that? Let’s check.

Did you feel a little emotional surge from somewhere distant but familiar? Maybe your heart was racing a little? What did you say back to her?  “Watch that tone of voice when you talk to me”. Where did that threat come from? That is not the way you usually talk to her.

Your brain may be done forming but you may still have your own teen behavior response system lurking in deep places within you. That threat may have been what you heard from your parent in response to your teenage behavior.

We can subconsciously hold onto behaviors and responses to experiences in our lives for many years- from childhood and beyond. And if we have not done the work of opening them back up again and meeting them then releasing them directly, they have a way of popping back up again, thanks to a trigger…such as your daughter putting up an emotional flare.

And BAM! Back you go to your own teen-self.

 

What to do? Life has an amazing way of propping mirroring experiences up in front of us to give us the opportunity to look into ourselves more deeply. Maybe to heal a wound,  or to help us see something of deep emotional value by opening up something within us that needs our attention.

Many times we may not take that opportunity but I encourage you to take it. Now. Don’t blow it off. Trust me. This won’t be the last teen trigger you will experience. Sex, drugs and rock and roll may be up ahead.

So do your work now.

Depending on the depth of your emotional experiences as you were going through adolescence will depend how much work there is to do. Only you know that if you are really willing to be honest with yourself. It may be that just some journaling around your adolescence is necessary. Or meeting with a trusted therapist or counselor can help you move the emotional landmines that may have been laid during your adolescence. I have had some mothers go back to their mothers and process that time. Wow. Now there is some work!

Whatever it takes.

Go back now and heal that time in your life so your daughter doesn’t have to do it for you.

You won’t regret it. It may be one of the hardest things to do but one of the greatest gifts to your relationship with your daughter. Do it.

Don’t get hooked

The sooner you can separate your adolescent triggers from your daughter’s behaviors the easier it is going to be for you to avoid “getting hooked”.

What does getting hooked look like? You are hooked when you can’t let something go. When she has said or done something that has activated your emotional response system.

You are hooked when you react instead of respond.

Do a little fishing the next time you and your daughter have an interaction around something potentially triggering and watch yourself. Here is how:

  • Notice– Am I hooked right now?

If you are:

  • Indentify– I am hooked!
  • Acknowledge– Stop the interaction and say it out loud. “Pause…I am hooked right now”
  • Release– Take a break. Ask to come back to it. Let it go. Journal. Go look at a tree. Do what you need to in order to take care of yourself and reset.
  • Return– Go back to your daughter and tell her what happened. Decide together what’s next. Try again? Let it go?
  • Forgive– Yourself. You are human and in very new territory with the likelihood of some shadowy stuff lurking in your teen-self. Let it go. There is no value in carrying it around with you. It may get in the way of your next mother~daughter interaction.

Patience, not pressure pays off

Maybe we got it from our own mothers doing it to us. Maybe we think that pushing works because it has in the past when she was little. Somewhere we got the message that pushing works- that pushing fixes things, makes them better.

If you haven’t noticed it already, pushing your daughter is going to stop working for you.

Which when something stops working we tend to do it more in order to try and understand why it isn’t working. Human nature. And the more we push, the harder she starts pushing back. She is a good student of you! And you now have a pushy mess.

As your daughter is going through this major reorganization of her brain, you need to “update” your patitude, or was it more than that? Let’s check.

Did you feel a little emotional surge from somewhere distant but familiar? Maybe your heart was racing a little? What did you say back to her?  “Watch that tone of voice when you talk to me”. Where did that threat come from? That is not the way you usually talk to her.

Your brain may be done forming but you may still have your own teen behavior response system lurking in deep places within you. That threat may have been what you heard from your parent in response to your teenage behavior.

We can subconsciously hold onto behaviors and responses to experiences in our lives for many years- from childhood and beyond. And if we have not done the work of opening them back up again and meeting them then releasing them directly, they have a way of popping back up again, thanks to a trigger…such as your daughter putting up an emotional flare.

And BAM! Back you go to your own teen-self.

 

What to do? Life has an amazing way of propping mirroring experiences up in front of us to give us the opportunity to look into ourselves more deeply. Maybe to heal a wound,  or to help us see something of deep emotional value by opening up something within us that needs our attention.

Many times we may not take that opportunity but I encourage you to take it. Now. Don’t blow it off. Trust me. This won’t be the last teen trigger you will experience. Sex, drugs and rock and roll may be up ahead.

So do your work now.

Depending on the depth of your emotional experiences as you were going through adolescence will depend how much work there is to do. Only you know that if you are really willing to be honest with yourself. It may be that just some journaling around your adolescence is necessary. Or meeting with a trusted therapist or counselor can help you move the emotional landmines that may have been laid during your adolescence. I have had some mothers go back to their mothers and process that time. Wow. Now there is some work!

Whatever it takes.

Go back now and heal that time in your life so your daughter doesn’t have to do it for you.

You won’t regret it. It may be one of the hardest things to do but one of the greatest gifts to your relationship with your daughter. Do it.

Don’t get hooked

The sooner you can separate your adolescent triggers from your daughter’s behaviors the easier it is going to be for you to avoid “getting hooked”.

What does getting hooked look like? You are hooked when you can’t let something go. When she has said or done something that has activated your emotional response system.

You are hooked when you react instead of respond.

Do a little fishing the next time you and your daughter have an interaction around something potentially triggering and watch yourself. Here is how:

  • Notice– Am I hooked right now?

If you are:

  • Indentify– I am hooked!
  • Acknowledge– Stop the interaction and say it out loud. “Pause…I am hooked right now”
  • Release– Take a break. Ask to come back to it. Let it go. Journal. Go look at a tree. Do what you need to in order to take care of yourself and reset.
  • Return– Go back to your daughter and tell her what happened. Decide together what’s next. Try again? Let it go?
  • Forgive– Yourself. You are human and in very new territory with the likelihood of some shadowy stuff lurking in your teen-self. Let it go. There is no value in carrying it around with you. It may get in the way of your next mother~daughter interaction.

Patience, not pressure pays off

Maybe we got it from our own mothers doing it to us. Maybe we think that pushing works because it has in the past when she was little. Somewhere we got the message that pushing works- that pushing fixes things, makes them better.

If you haven’t noticed it already, pushing your daughter is going to stop working for you.

Which when something stops working we tend to do it more in order to try and understand why it isn’t working. Human nature. And the more we push, the harder she starts pushing back. She is a good student of you! And you now have a pushy mess.

As your daughter is going through this major reorganization of her brain, you need to “update” your parenting tactics. You may need a complete overhaul or just to make a few adjustments.

Take a good long look at how you are parenting your daughter. Make a list of what is working and what isn’t working. Talk to other mothers with daughters to learn about what they are doing, or did. Read books. See a therapist. Be pro-active in updating your parenting to meet the needs of this evolving person whose foundations are shifting right before your eyes.

 

And get to know patience really well. It is your rock.

Patience is the foundation that holds up love, tolerance, empathy, and compassion in your mother and daughter relationship.

Practice it in other places in your life. It is alike a muscle that needs to be worked in order to be strong and reliable.

Make yourself stay in patience even when there is a storm raging around you- because your daughter is counting on you being strong…for both of you. Let her know that you are that rock. She will come to depend on it. So will you.

Remember who she is 97.5% of the time

Seriously. It is important for us as mothers to focus on who she is and not be swept away by her behaviors- because that is what they are, just behaviors.

Be careful to not make her behaviors into who she is. She is so much more than how she acts.

Not only is it important for mother to know who she is…but she needs to know too…because she isn’t sure right now.

It can be a beautiful thing to help remind both of you who she is.

Make lists.

  • What does she believe in?
  • Who does she trust?
  • What makes her giggle?
  • What does her mind do for her?
  • Where are her favorite places to be?
  • What changes would she like to see in the world?
  • What does she love to eat?
  • What are her favorite memories?
  • What does her body do for her?
  • What dreams does she have?
  • What are her favorite books? Movies? Music?
  • Tell her who loves her.

Then make a book for her…of her. Write her a letter with all of it in it. Create a bulletin board covered with her. Make a video of you telling her who she is.

It may sound corny to you but know this.

There is going to be a time when she comes to you emotionally disheveled and confused, not even sure what she wants from you. And you are going to be able to reach for that book, letter or video to remind her. And she will remember. You both will.

By Karen O’dougherty

bodybasicsandbeyond.com 

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Boot Camp for New Dads

Free Basic Training for First Time Fathers

 

How did you first learn to change a diaper, burp an infant, console it, or pack a diaper bag? I’m the eldest of five children, so in my case, it was tending siblings during the rare times my parents went on “date-night.” And I did a fair amount of childcare for other families to earn spending money.

It shouldn’t surprise you to hear that today, women have fewer children, they have those children later in life, and according to most data, 41% of those children are going to be raised by a single parent. Often that single parent will juggle both a low-wage job and childrearing. So it won’t surprise you that locally, 85% of children and youth qualify for free or reduced school lunch. 70% of youth in custody did not grow up with both parents. Generally, raising kids falls disproportionately to women. They are, traditionally, culturally, and arguably biologically, the better-suited caregivers. 72.5% of those accused of shaken baby syndrome crimes are men. Yet with more women going to college and graduating from college, women are now often the primary breadwinner. Add these findings together, and there is a need to teach men how to raise children.

Father At Home With Newborn Baby Daughter

As a teacher, I see the effects of kids raised in poverty daily. Many crave even negative attention from adults. They are often hungry, and often unsupervised at night, staying up to morning hours to play video games. 24% of our middle schoolers will miss 10% or more days of school in our state. Often, their reading and math skills and motor skills are behind grade level because from a young age, their caregivers are unable to afford certain toys, books, internet access, sports fees, etc. that wealthier families are.

We can either sigh and lament these statistics, or we can recognize that we are not preparing men well for two realities: 1) they will want to leave a relationship when they find out that they aren’t able to provide their family with the level of financial support that they would like to, and 2) by staying, they can provide their families with far more than financial support.

With a few weeks of my 2015 summer vacation left, I heard an NPR broadcast that taught gang members who never had fathers— how to _be_ fathers. A few phone calls later, I had financial support from AllCare to become a facilitator and establish a chapter of “Boot Camp for New Dads” in Grants Pass and Medford.

Boot Camp’s motto is: “A father for every child, no matter what.” The 3-hr. course uses “veteran dads” who have 2-12 month old babies— to teach “rookie dads”— those who are soon to deliver. It covers fears that fathers have, and how to form a parenting team; how to react when/if the female shuts out the dad as “not competent enough” to care for the child. Rookies change diapers of the veteran dad’s children; learn how to console— and they learn how to nurture their relationship with a newly hormonal, overtired mom. Changing diapers, consoling, taking the child to a park, and reading or singing to it will give her relief rest that she desperately needs.

It’s one thing to have the perfect class available at the perfect time. It’s quite another to have a gender that prides oneself on their independence— _sign up_ for the course. In Grants Pass, there are 25 distribution points where an expectant father would come across our brochures: Women’s Health Center,  Southern Oregon HeadStart, Options, Child Welfare Services, and Pregnancy Care Center, are just a few.

If you know of an expectant (i.e. “rookie”) father, please tell them to register via our website: www.gpbootcampfornewdads.com.

Enthusiastic, proud veteran fathers will be ready to impart their wisdom on the 2nd Saturday of every month, at the Women’s Health Center off Ramsey at 1075 Grandview Ave. in Grants Pass, 9-12 am and from 1-4pm at La Clinica Wellness Center, 730 Biddle Road in Medford.

By Bob Bath.

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